All Jokes Aside
by Racey
Summary: Renji, the disgruntled mascot. Gin, the teasing co-worker. Throw in a dash of heat, lots of annoyance and attraction. Shake well. AU, yaoi, swearing, ONESHOT. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TPP!


**ALL JOKES ASIDE**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach...

_**So, here's my birthday gift to you, The Petulant Prodigy**_

_**AKA Kill**_

_**AKA my beesh...**_

_**Hope you enjoy it! **_

Onwards...

XOXOXO

If his job didn't absolutely suck balls, then he had no fucking clue what did.

Renji sucked his teeth, disgusted, as he yanked off the sweltering head of the Chappy the Bunny uniform he was forced to wear. He kicked open the door leading outside of the building that housed the employee lounge, tugged off the frightfully large hands of the costume, launched them – along with the enormous bunny head – to the ground, then went behind a black crate and grabbed his smoke stash. The crate was situated to the side of your run-of-the-mill green dumpster, the smell drifting outta that thing bad enough to singe nose hairs.

But ask him if he cared.

He needed a cigarette and he needed it like yesterday. He shook one free from the pack, stuck it between his lips, lit it and inhaled like he'd just broken the surface of a lake. _Fuck_. There was something ethereal about that first pull of nicotine. As he exhaled, he lowered himself onto the crate and ran a hand through his matted and tangled red hair. That bunny head did terrifying things to his tresses, especially in this killer weather, and he _hated_ it. But...he hated going without a paycheck even more, and since Chappy World was the only place crazy enough to hire him, he had to tolerate it. Not to mention, his parole officer had been breathing down his fucking neck about finding employment.

"Tch," he noised, russet eyes rolling shut against the oppressive heat that seemed to handstand on his shoulders.

In the vacant area, he could hear the tinkling music from the amusement park rides, the screamed elation from overactive children; he could smell deep fried everything and of course, cotton candy. The heat practically baked the smells and made them linger in the air. Normally, the festive atmosphere wasn't cause for agitated convulsions, but today had been a day to transcend all other days. Today had made Renji realize just why he preferred men and didn't have the slightest urge to reproduce. The little assholes gave him migraines. Hell, he already had a monster of an attitude. He didn't really need the extra encouragement in the form of lilliputian human beings.

However...

His crazy ass boss, Kisuke Urahara, had cheerfully informed Renji upon his arrival that morning that he'd be working in munchkin land. Well, that's what Renji called it anyway. It was really the little kid section of Chappy World, but ever since his recruitment for the humiliating position of Chappy mascot, he'd done his very best to steer clear of munchkin land. Today, his luck had run out.

"_I gotta tell ya, I don' really think tha's a good idea, Urahara," he mumbled as politely as he could. The man was his boss, after all._

"_Renji-kun, you'll be fine. Kid's Zone isn't as bad as you think."_

"_I highly doubt that."_

"_Ahaha!" Urahara laughed, straw-blond hair tucked beneath a light-blue Chappy World hat. He wore the standard staff uniform of light-blue polo shirt and black shorts. However, he wore these weird-looking sandals on his feet. "I assure you, it's not so tragic."_

"_So, I take it yer willin' ta take full responsibility if I accidentally crush one a'the brats, then?" he growled as he slowly fit the humongous bunny head over his own. _

_Urahara cackled again, this time a tanned hand resting on Renji's shoulder. "I have faith in you, Renji-kun."_

"_See, it ain't really you I'm worried about." After he tugged on the bunny hands, he turned to his blond employer and heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Well, boss, I'm off. I think I left mah will in mah locker, but if I didn't, I left everythin' ta mah fish."_

_He walked away, dread weighing a ton on his shoulders and Urahara still cackling behind him. He just knew this day was headed for disaster._

_**XxxxxxX**_

_The minute he arrived in munchkin land, he was bombarded by hyper little snots wanting pictures and handshakes. That wasn't so bad. He could deal with that. Hell, he could even deal with the crying snots that screamed and begged to come near him, then turned and fled the second they had his attention. He could put up with that, too. What he couldn't deal with on top of his crappy placement and his crappy uniform, however, was his silver-haired co-worker, Gin Ichimaru. _

_Renji gritted his teeth as sweat tickled its way down his spine, and he dutifully tried to ignore the airy snickering coming from his immediate left. It wasn't really working, though._

"_Shut the fuck up, bitchy-maru," he growled low in his throat as soon as the group of snots surrounding him dispersed. _

"_Mah, mah. That ain't nice, Renji-kun," Gin chuckled and sidled over from the temporarily empty tea cup ride. _

_He wore the standard light-blue polo and black shorts, but they looked good on him. The shorts hung off his slim hips, revealing a gray underwear waistband, but did marvelous things to his butt. Not to mention, although the man was thin and wiry, his chest was toned to perfection underneath that stretchy polo. Renji thought of all the times he'd imagined taking advantage of his co-worker in the employee lounge and nipped it in the bud. Gin didn't show an ounce of interest in him, aside from teasing the ever-loving shit out of him at every available opportunity. It was frustrating as all hell, but Renji put up with it since he liked looking at the silver-haired demon. _

"_Fuck you," he griped. _

_Didn't mean he wouldn't bite back, though._

_Gin was strangely silent and it made Renji glance at him through plastic bunny eyes. What was the guy up to now? Silver hair was damp with sweat and covered Gin's right eye, but the visible one was narrowed with curiosity, ice-blue and sharp. The look made Renji narrow his own eyes, wary. He knew Gin was sneaky as a fox, but watching the man's brain in action was a bit spooky._

"_Mah, Renji-kun," Gin started suddenly, making the red head unexpectedly jolt. _

"_What?" he grunted._

"_Hey, Chappy! Can I have a picture?" a snot shouted, interrupting the tense moment._

_Renji wanted to wrap his huge bunny hands around the kid's neck and squeeze until the snot disappeared, but figured that wouldn't be such a good idea. Hell, he was already on parole for assault and battery. Didn't really need endangering a child added to the list. So, he nodded and stalked away with the stumpy, brunet snot, heart still pounding and blood still rushing from the intense look Gin had been studying him with._

_**XxxxxX**_

"_Mah, Renji-kun, ya shouldn't have," Gin crooned as he sidled up beside him._

_Renji was parked behind the building housing the indoor horse derby ride, bunny head resting at his feet and tall lemonade slushie in his hand. It was hot as Satan's nut-sack and during his break, he'd felt a little liquid refreshment was required. He hadn't expected Gin to follow him to his hideout. _

"_Like hell I did," he grunted before taking a long sip of his treat to emphasize his point._

_His co-worker just grinned and edged closer, the heat coming from his slender body sending sensual tendrils under Renji's bunny costume. The silver-haired man had no idea how he affected him. Renji watched, still cautious as Gin stopped right beside him, gingerly grasped the long, green straw from the drink, then stuck it between tempting lips. Renji swallowed along with the other man as he stared, hot and fascinated. What the hell was this?_

"_What the fuck're ya doin'?" he mumbled, eyes alternating between Gin's lips and bobbing Adam's apple._

_Finally...FINALLY...Gin pulled away and licked his lips. Then he smirked, eyes slitted shut in quiet glee. "Coolin' off," he replied and Renji swore he heard a definite husk in the man's voice._

_He had to be imagining things._

_He took a step away from his co-worker and ran the back of his hand across his sweaty brow. Ninety-eight fucking degrees and he had to gallivant around in a furry ass bunny suit, complete with white, fluffy tail. Where was the justice? His hand made its way into his hair, where he tousled the sodden strands. He'd let it grow out the last few months, so now it reached the middle of his back, which was absolutely wonderful in the Winter. Summer was an entirely different story. It stuck to his back and neck and all-around irritated the shit out of him, but he refused to cut it. _

_He was totally engrossed in separating the wet locks from his humid and overly moist skin, so he didn't notice Gin watching him at first. Be that as it may, the yawning silence made him pause, hand still ensnared in his hair, and meet the silver-haired man's intrigued blue gaze._

"_What?" he grunted defensively. _

_He'd grown up fighting guys that called him "fag" because he preferred his hair on the longer side. He didn't necessarily think Gin was beyond it, but he would be terribly disappointed if the man wasn't._

"_Yer hair's gorgeous."_

_Renji froze, mouth open, eyes wide. Shit. Now the heat had him fucking hallucinating and hearing things. Just great. _

"_Uh," he said stupidly, inwardly kicking himself._

_No one had ever complimented his hair, not even former lovers. They'd always called him an endearing brute because he was tall (6'2" to be exact), rough, and had dark, tribal tattoos all over his body. He worked out daily to focus his negative energy, so his body was solid and fit and he knew it. He'd been in and out of trouble his whole life, he had an attitude problem and he wasn't the best-looking guy in the world. He knew that too. Yet...here this beautiful, silver-haired creature stood telling him that his hair was gorgeous. _

_Like he thought: it had to be the heat._

_Unsure of how he should respond to the sudden Gin mirage before him, he grunted and sipped his drink again, belatedly remembering the foreign set of lips that had previously done the same thing. For the first time since he'd lost his virginity, he was flustered. Gin was behaving so strangely and it made him nervous. Was the guy thinking up ways to fuck with him? Or was this new conduct the man's way of fucking with him? He was so confused! And when he got confused, he got pissed._

"_Fuck off, Gin," he snarled, scowl deep and eyes livid._

_He started to reach for his bunny head, but Gin's proximity halted him like a stop sign. The thin man was suddenly way too close, body mere inches away and frosty blue eyes piercing and wide open as he stared into Renji's._

"_Mah, never 'spected ya ta be this blind, Renji-kun," he said quietly. _

_Renji continued to frown as he stared back. He didn't understand. Wasn't Gin straight? The guy always flirted with that huge-boobed Rangiku chick at the ticket counter. Hell, it'd made Renji curl his upper lip in revulsion plenty of times. So, why did it seem like the silver-haired man was coming on to him all of a sudden? Not that he was complaining. Fuck no. He'd just like some answers, that was all._

"_Explain," he commanded, voice low and deep._

_Gin smirked, reedy hand reaching up until it settled in Renji's hair, where it proceeded to form a fist and roughly tug, angling Renji's head down towards him. OK, just when he thought his eyes could get no wider...they did._

"_That really necessary?" Gin murmured in his face._

_At this point? Not at all. Ole silver was broadcasting louder than the local radio station, and even though it still had Renji reeling, still had him baffled and beyond shocked, he sure wasn't about to turn away such good fortune. Months of silent lusting and admiration seemed to have paid off. He reached forward and grabbed his own fistful of silky, damp, sterling hair._

"_All jokes aside?" he rumbled._

_Toothless smirk still wide, Gin nodded and loosened the grip he had on Renji's hair before running that same hand through it, toying with it and massaging the scalp. Renji wanted to freaking purr and lean into the soothing ministration. And then Gin – that little asshole – went and ruined the moment by backing away and cackling._

"_Mah, I knew ya liked guys, Renji-kun. S'too bad I'm straight, ne?" he taunted, voice way too smug._

_Unfortunately, all Renji could do was stare in open-mouthed astonishment and dismay. He'd been blindsided, side-swiped, bamboozled, fucking hoodwinked...all that good shit. As he watched Gin saunter away with hands in his shorts pockets, the surprise began wearing off, making room for anger. _

_That fucking...sneaky little shit._

_He seethed and threw his drink into the wall behind him as hard as he could. It hit with a wet crack. He watched the lemonade ice mixture slide to the ground, jaw tight and hands clenched into fists. Why the hell had he let his guard down? He should've known better than to trust that skinny little sidewinder, but he'd let his judge of character slip. Now, not only was his personal business out, but the guy he'd been lusting after had shown his true colors. Renji didn't like them one bit, either. _

_Disappointment settled in his gut like undigested food as he retrieved his bunny head and slunk away from his hiding spot. _

_He was so fucking stupid._

So, not only had he had his ass handed to him by a bunch of adolescent snots all day, he'd been utterly humiliated by his co-worker slash crush. He drew deeply on the cigarette again, scowl epic and nose wrinkled across the bridge as he thought about the incident with Gin. What'd he been expecting from the guy, really? It wasn't like he hadn't been suspicious of the man's sexual preference to begin with, but when Gin had gone on to display open interest – or at least that's what it'd looked like – Renji had been fool enough to fall for it.

Shit.

Hope was a cruel motherfucker.

He finished the cigarette, stabbed it out against the dumpster, then rose. His shift was almost over and he couldn't wait until Ichigo came to relieve him. However, he was too depressed to go back to munchkin land and burn his ass off, so he gathered the detachable costume pieces and lumbered into the blissfully cool employee lounge. Thankfully, the small, white room was still empty, so he passed through it to the locker area, where he stripped out of the ridiculous Chappy getup and tossed it into a white laundry cart on wheels. He was positive the suit smelled to high heaven from all the first-rate sweating he'd done, but he didn't give a shit. He was just ready to go home and relax under his air conditioner with a cold beer and a good, violent movie.

He stood in front of his locker, clad only in plaid boxers and a white wife-beater. He never wore his street clothes under the costume or he'd have a heat stroke for sure. He snatched a black, wide-toothed comb from the top shelf of the metal storage compartment, then ran it through his knotted and snarled red hair a few times before replacing it. That done, he pulled his hair back, then over his right shoulder, where he braided it and tied the end off with a thin, black band. He took a deep breath before going into the locker again, this time for his white, v-neck tee and khaki shorts. He took his time dressing, unaware of the eyes watching his every movement, until he finally slammed the locker door shut and turned to head back to the employee lounge. He found himself freezing again at the sight of the willowy, sterling-haired man leaning in the doorway of his would-be destination. His eyes narrowed the longer he stared at the guy, his normal apprehensive and defensive nature rearing its ugly head.

"Come ta gloat some more, Ichimaru?" he grumbled, absently straightening the hem of his tee.

Gin straightened and started towards him, hands in his pockets, and gait fluid and completely seductive. Renji gave an internal snarl as he averted his gaze. No use wanting a man who so clearly stated he was straight. But the closer Gin came, the more Renji wanted to throw the slighter man against his locker and make him hit a lovely falsetto. He glanced back at the guy's face and thinned his lips. Gin's hair was like a spider's web in the sun: glittering and nearly celestial. Yet, it gave a youthful, almost boyish appearance to his thin face and rarely seen, crystal-blue eyes. Even though his co-worker was more on the lean and lithe side, it did nothing to dampen the man's appeal.

"Not really, Renji-kun," Gin said serenely.

Renji openly hit the man with a confused glare. What the fuck was he up to now?

XOXOXO

From the moment he'd lain eyes on the tall, crimson-haired, tattooed Chappy mascot, he'd been smitten. Even his best friend, Rangiku, knew he had a crush on the guy. Hell, in his opinion, it was rather obvious. Whenever he saw Renji, he made it his business to bother him. Although, the slightly taller man was kind of quiet, the looks he gave with those hooded, russet eyes was enough to send Gin into cardiac arrest. Quietly, of course. And then, there was the sinful dessert that was Renji's baritone voice. It was deeper than an ocean and commanding enough to move heaven and hell, but it took a lot of work on Gin's part in order to actually hear it. Renji normally ignored the shit out of him, but when Gin was being particularly annoying, the red head would growl and snarl at him.

Jesus Christ, it was like having an orgasm.

Gin remembered the first time he'd seen Renji. The red head had been leaving Urahara's office a couple months prior.

"_Ran-chan, I ain't sure Urahara wants ya in his office right now," he argued with his apricot-haired best friend._

_Rangiku scoffed and waved a dainty hand. "Believe me, Gin-bo, he's probably just holed up in that room being weird and stuff."_

_Gin shook his head. Sometimes there was no arguing with Rangiku, and today was one of those days. It was hot and humid, and he was irritable and restless. He'd long grown tired of catering to little kids who didn't know the definition of respect, and whose parents didn't know the meaning of discipline. Time out wasn't cutting it anymore. _

_They trooped to the employee lounge building, both sighing upon stepping into the blessedly cool air. They made a beeline for Urahara's office, located on the opposite side of the winding, S-shaped structure and as soon as they rounded the last corner, Urahara's door opened. Gin immediately stopped, paralyzed as he watched a tall man, with hair the color of blood exposed to sunlight, stalk down the hallway like a lion. He had broad shoulders, dark tattoos for eyebrows that continued down the sides of his strong-looking neck and on under the collar of the gray, short-sleeved polo shirt he wore. His arms were roped with thick, mouth-watering muscle and his torso was just to die for. His chest seemed firm and his abdomen washboard beneath the shirt stretched across it. Holy shit and it didn't stop there. The man had legs that went on for years under khaki pants._

_The guy had his face buried in a packet of papers that Gin assumed was the Chappy World orientation drivel. He didn't linger on that triviality long as his eyes went back to the man's astoundingly gorgeous hair. It was pulled off his face in a loose ponytail at the back of his head, and hung down to the middle of his back. The closer the red head came, the more Gin just wanted to run his hands through the stuff. It looked so fun to play with, maybe pull while the man was on top of him, driving himself in and out – um...yeah. Where was he?_

_Oh, the hunk walking towards him. Gin's feet were still glued to the tiled floor as he continued to visually molest the red head, who'd apparently grown tired of the packet and was now looking at him and Rangiku. His nerves did a strange little jig, and his heart stopped before restarting and settling into a swift trot. It was like the guy began moving in slow motion, his half-lidded eyes like red, cooking wine. He was wholly mesmerizing. _

_Gin felt like he was caught in a showdown, the red head and he locked in a staring competition made for world record books. The other man's dangerous aura was palpable as he finally came within a foot of Gin. Their shoulders brushed and their eyes remained fastened on one another, until the red head finally faced forward, no longer interested as he continued down the hall. With the building tension gone, Gin sagged against the wall and watched the red head round the corner, disappearing to only God knows where. He inhaled through his nose and got a whiff of cigarettes and a musky cologne. Holy shit._

"_You look like you just had sex," Rangiku nonchalantly commented, a small smirk tugging at her full lips._

"_Shit..." he gulped. "I FEEL like I just had sex."_

_Rangiku screeched with laughter as they finished the journey to Urahara's office, but Gin's mind was still with the sexy red head he'd just seen. _

After that, the red head had been hired as Chappy the Bunny and thus had begun their relationship, where Gin mercilessly teased the grumpy guy at every chance he got. And hell, he definitely remembered the first time he'd heard Renji's voice, and how he'd distinctly felt like he'd had a premature ejaculation moment.

_Weeks had gone by and he still hadn't gotten a word out of the beautiful red head. Imagine his elation when he'd realized the guy was his new co-worker! After seeing that the man beneath the Chappy the Bunny suit wasn't the usual, surly, orange-haired teenager, Ichigo Kurosaki, Gin had been ecstatic. He'd introduced himself one day, thinking the red head would come out of his shell, but he'd been so wrong. All the red head had done was stare at him with an amused sideways smirk before shoving off in the opposite direction. How rude was that? OK, so maybe Gin had made a snide remark about the bunny suit, but that'd been unavoidable. _

_Days had passed before he'd gotten the man alone again, and still he'd produced no results. It was depressing almost. It was like the man didn't even want to talk to him, let alone look at him long. Gin had already stooped to an all-time low by asking Rangiku to ask Urahara what the guy's name was. She blackmailed him into a Saturday of shopping for the information, but it was so worth it. Gin planned to use the little nugget of knowledge to his benefit the next time he saw the red head, which – according to the clock over the employee lounge vending machine – was in the next five minutes._

_Right on cue, Chappy the Bunny sauntered into the lounge and wasted no time shirking the huge bunny head. The red head's pointed chin appeared first, then firm-looking lips, then that straight nose, then those hooded, reddish-brown eyes that immediately latched onto Gin from across the room. A tattooed brow went up in shock and curiosity before the red head set the bunny head on the round table in the middle of the lounge. Gin suppressed the urge to shift excitedly. He had a trump card that he just knew would work. He was determined to hear what the red head sounded like, and if it was anything like his smoldering hot looks, well...Gin was in trouble. _

_The bunny hands made it to the table before the red head left the lounge, only to instantly return, carrying a pack of cigarettes and a couple coins for the vending machine, Gin assumed. Sure enough, the red head approached the machine, fed it the currency, punched a button and retrieved his can of juice. He was headed for the back door, when Gin decided to spring his trap._

"_Mah, ya know, it's kinda rude not ta greet yer co-workers, Renji-kun," he calmly stated._

_Renji's back stiffened as he abruptly pulled to a stop. It took a few seconds, but the man finally turned and aimed a look over his shoulder, eyes narrowed and skeptical. His lips twitched a few times before Gin ended up getting what he wanted at long last._

"_How d'ya know my name?"_

_He stared like a fool. He couldn't help it. Renji's voice was better than sexy, better than hot, better than his favorite food. But he had to get a grip. He couldn't let such a marvelous creature see him behaving like a neanderthal. _

"_Well, I hadda ask aroun' since yer so closed-mouthed."_

_Renji scoffed and turned to face him fully. "Why ya wanna know me so bad? Ya bug me every fuckin' time ya see me. Wussup witchu?"_

"_Mah, no reason, really. I kinda do it wit' all the newbies."_

_No, that didn't sound suggestive at all, Gin thought after the words left his mouth. Renji must've thought so too because he arched a brow and smirked. Then he turned back to the door without another word. _

Back and forth, back and forth they'd gone after that day, Renji growling at him like a dog with his so-hot-it-should-be-a-crime voice, while Gin nudged the man ever closer to insanity. It was fun and all, but now he was ready to stop playing with the guy. Especially after that episode earlier today. How could Renji be so blind to what Gin really wanted? How could he not realize that all the jibes, all the teasing and pranks were nothing but schoolyard attempts to get the red head to like him? Not to mention, Gin was a bit of a sadist. He hadn't been able to resist fucking with the other man when he'd seemed so vulnerable and confused. It'd been the first time the silver-haired man had ever seen Renji anything other than his grouchy self, not to mention seeing the red head playing with all that silky hair.

However, Gin had also known from the look in Renji's eyes earlier that he'd made a mistake and had to correct it. He wanted the red head just as much as the red head seemed to want him in return, and he'd be a fool to let a chance like earlier march past him again without grasping it with both hands. So, here he was, cornering Renji yet again, but this time, Gin intended to make his attraction known. Like the red head had mentioned during that incident: all jokes aside.

"Mah, I did a bad thing," he mumbled once he was standing right in front of the taller man.

Renji cocked his head to the side and continued to scowl at him. Gin didn't blame him one bit. If their roles were reversed, he'd look at the red head the same way. In fact, he'd head in the opposite direction, not wanting anything to do with the guy, so Gin considered himself lucky that Renji was still there, entertaining his presence.

"Fuck you goin' on about now, Ichimaru?"

That growl...

Gin hid a shudder as he licked his lips and shrugged. "I lied ta ya, Renji-kun."

Russet eyes went dark as Renji focused on Gin's mouth. Heart galloping and stomach hot as lava, Gin edged even closer and freed a hand from his pocket before sliding that same hand along the red head's rock-hard abdomen. Renji's eyes widened for a fraction of a second. Then they narrowed as he gripped Gin's hand hard enough to make the silver-haired man cringe.

"Stop _fuckin'_ wit' me. I don' know _who_ or _what_ gave ya the idea I'm somebody ta play wit', but I _ain't_. Ya keep messin' wit' fire, Ichimaru, an' yer gonna get burned, OK?"

Gin grinned saucily. Little did Renji know...that was _exactly_ what he wanted. What he _craved_. Shucking common sense to the far nether regions, he leaned forward and buried his face in the taller man's neck, nosing the soft skin there before languidly letting his tongue slide across the sturdy collar bone. Renji stiffened and sucked in an astonished breath. The next thing Gin registered was his back against a locker and Renji's big hand in his hair, pulling roughly.

"Ow!" he snapped, opening his eyes wide and glaring at the adamant red head.

"Ichimaru, yer gonna make me kick yer scrawny lil ass," Renji snarled, teeth bared and lips curled back.

Gin pried the angry red head's fingers from his hair, then stood up straight and shoved his own agitation at the guy. "Look, Renji," he started, finally dropping the "kun" suffix. "I lied when I said I was straight."

Oh, sweet silence. Renji gave him a look that could peel paint from the walls before his reddish-brown eyes slowly widened. Maybe he had to figure out whether Gin was telling the truth or not. The shock written all over his handsome face had to mean the red head believed him, right? More silence prevailed for a few prolonged minutes, until air whooshed from the taller man like a punctured tire.

"You shittin' me, Ichimaru?" he growled. His eyes had gone back to russet-colored slits as he glared bloody murder at Gin. "I'm s'posed ta believe a word you say after that stunt ya pulled earlier? Kiss my ass!"

With that, Renji backed away and turned to leave, but Gin grabbed the red head's broad shoulder. "Mah, I ain't one fer apologizin' Renji, but if tha's whatcha need ta hear, I'll do it."

That pulled the other man up short. Then, with a wicked grin and an evil gleam in his eyes, Renji faced him and nodded.

"I wanna hear ya grovel, bitchy-maru. That wasn't very nice whatcha did ta me today."

Gin growled under his breath. Everyone knew how much he hated admitting he was wrong, even to himself. He frowned at Renji, blood boiling with anger and discomfort...then he deflated. The red head was right and definitely entitled to that apology. Gin just wished it didn't have to feel so sucky.

"Sorry," he grumbled, voice nearly inaudible.

"Yeah right," Renji automatically snapped. "Yer gonna hafta do better'n that."

Face flushed with embarrassment, Gin pressed his lips together for a brief second. After a huffed breath through his nose, he opened his eyes and clearly enunciated, "I'm sorry fer lyin' ta ya an' makin' ya feel bad, Renji." He moved away from the lockers, intent on getting next to _his_ red head. Shit, if he was going through with this apology, Renji would damn well belong to him. When Gin was within arm's reach of the other man, he moved even closer and dropped his voice an octave or two. "Matter fact, I ain't straight at all. Mah, an' on top a'that, I been wantin' ya since I first saw ya comin' outta Urahara's office two months ago."

Disbelief raced across Renji's face, arching his tattooed eyebrows into his hairline. He stared at Gin, quite obviously speechless. Gin decided to push the issue; hell, he wasn't leaving Chappy World today without getting at least a small taste of the man in front of him. He leaned their chests together and gripped Renji's wrists before placing the man's hands on his hips. Then he slid his hands against Renji's hard abdomen, up his firm yet supple chest, higher still along the side of the man's strong neck, and finally up into that mass of sweat dampened crimson hair.

"Now, question a'the hour I s'pose is if ya want me back, er was that jus' a fluke earlier?"

Renji seemed to recover in record time, a large hand grasping the back of Gin's neck, bringing their faces together until noses touched and breath mingled.

"Slim, if yer fuckin' wit' me again-" that deep voice rumbled threateningly.

"Mah, mah, Renji-kun. Nicknames already?" The red head paused, taken aback, and Gin used that time to chastely kiss him. "Does that mean I c'n call ya Lucifer?"

"Fuck, no," Renji breathed before connecting their lips again.

"How 'bout Tobasco?"

Kiss.

"Mm-mm."

Kiss.

"OK, I got it," Gin murmured with a twinkle in his eye, giddy to finally have the red head all to himself. "Big Daddy Red."

Renji snorted, then barked a laugh, head tilting back and neck extending deliciously. Gin couldn't bring himself to ignore the offering, so he pressed forward and explored the taut column with his tongue. The red head's skin was salty, probably from sweat. Where the realization should've revolted Gin, it merely turned him on.

"Slim, I'll kick yer ass," Renji growled, pulling the silver-haired man flush to him.

"Mah, I was hopin' ya'd do somethin' else wit' it, actually."

Gin grinned as the taller man groaned and kissed him again, this time with a lot more aggression and haste. His mouth was plundered expertly, sending heat streaking to his groin. Renji used his own mouth like a weapon, tongue thrusting like a lance as it covered every inch of Gin's. Shameless, Gin lowered his hands and reached around Renji's waist, carefully making his way to the man's firm, round bottom. It was perfect. The silver-haired man grabbed, squeezed and kneaded, losing himself to the twin addictive globes. So much so, it made Renji pull out of the kiss with a deep chuckle.

"Sheesh, Slim. Yer makin' me think ya gotta a thing fer my ass."

"I think I jus' might."

"Mm...so ya know where this is gonna go if we keep-"

"Renji," Gin interrupted. "Shut up an' follow me."

He moved backwards, pulling the red head towards the lockers again. However, instead of letting himself be pressed against them, he edged to the left and led the taller man to a private little area behind the lockers. No one really went back there, but Gin had discovered it a couple years back while looking for a place to stash a few cleaning supplies. It was a forgotten space consisting of four walls that were damp and made of cement. It smelled like mold and rain, but it would do just fine for what Gin had in mind. As soon as they rounded the corner, Renji seemed to catch on. Gin was no longer in charge as he'd thought; the beast that was the red head was suddenly unleashed.

Gin was none too gently guided to the nearest wall, where Renji proceeded to lift the sterling-haired man's legs and wrap them around his waist. Lips came together urgently before mouths opened and tongues lapped and twined. The red head's taste was intoxicating. Gin didn't smoke, but he liked the way tobacco lent a spicy tang to the other man's saliva. He brought his hands up around Renji's neck and moaned, even as his forehead creased with pleasure. Jesus Christ, the man could kiss his way out of the fiery depths of Hell.

Without warning, his feet were back on the ground and he was blinking dumbly at the taller man. Before he could voice his confusion, Renji's white tee went up over his head and landed on the floor. Khaki shorts followed closely behind, and all Gin could do was give a smug smirk as he took the hint. However, he also took his time admiring the sight of Renji's very typical male underwear. There was something undeniably hot about a guy in plaid boxers, and Renji just made it even better by having sexy ass legs, complete with fine red hair. The guy was all man and that was just irresistible. A white wife-beater hit the floor as well, leaving the red head shirtless and leering.

"Yer turn, Slim."

That voice of Renji's was going to kill Gin one day. Until then, though...

"Sure thing, Big Red."

Renji snorted, but his eyes never left Gin's and that was OK. In fact, it was great. Gin stepped away from the wall and carefully untucked his polo from the waist of his shorts. He languidly lifted the cotton material over his head and let it hang limply from his right hand as he licked his lips enticingly. He wanted to see those russet eyes turn black with desire.

Didn't take long to achieve his objective.

He let the shirt fall to the floor, then went for the button and zipper of his shorts. Even though those were hurriedly undone, Renji became impatient. His larger body stalked forward, making Gin unconsciously back into the wall. Good Lord, how could one man exude such predatory sex appeal? Needless to say, Gin's shorts' stay around his waist was short-lived. He'd just stepped out of them, when Renji's big hand cupped his package and hot lips fastened over his. The red head's body smothered him as they kissed noisily, both men grunting and moaning, hips grinding together sensually. Gin's breathing was frantic as he tried to get a hold of the taller man. How many times had he pictured this very scenario – location and all – in his mind? How many times had he wondered just what the red head tasted like?

He groaned as Renji's knee slipped between his legs and the man's hips opened them even wider. The impression of an extremely stiff, extremely _warm_ erection made Gin's head roll back against the damp wall. His eyes squeezed shut as he rotated his own hips and hissed, the sound bleeding into a lethargic groan. Renji's face went to the silver-haired man's neck, where he buried a deep groan of his own, sharp teeth nipping and slick tongue laving. It was certified heaven. Gin's heart wouldn't slow down, and it seemed so loud. He was _sure_ Renji could hear it.

His hands were everywhere: on the taller man's shoulders, gliding across that broad back and chest... But then, Gin got an idea. His eyes snapped open as he focused on the frazzled mess of red that was pulled into a long braid. That wouldn't do. He wanted to feel the silky strands between his fingers, wanted to tug on it, play with it. He wrapped an arm around Renji's neck and grasped the braid before pulling it towards him until he reached the black hairband keeping it in check. He quickly undid it and let it settle around his wrist. Smiling, his hand went back to the braid and skillfully unraveled it. He'd had practice on Rangiku whenever she wanted her hair played with, but that was a secret Gin wasn't ready to share with anyone yet.

The red mass hung down over Renji's right pectoral and down his back and the visual almost made Gin whimper. Very unmanly, true, but no guy should be that fucking sexy with long hair. Renji backed away from Gin's neck, russet eyes inquisitive as he studied the slighter man's face.

"Ya really like mah hair, huh?" he asked quietly, deep voice thick with unmistakable want.

"It's beautiful," Gin replied, eyes open and serious.

Renji's jaw jumped before he grinned. Gin's legs were once again around the bigger man's waist, and arms wrapped around the guy's neck, hands buried in that pile of satiny red hair. The red head gripped Gin's hips and thrust his own hips forward, their groins rubbing together and producing such a sharp jab of pleasure, it was almost painful.

"Ah!" Gin cried unexpectedly as his fingers tightened their hold.

"Goddamn, Slim," Renji grunted, hips moving forward yet again.

Soon, their bodies found a rhythm and both men panted harshly, moans echoing off the walls. However, neither were completely satisfied with the current predicament. Gin knew for sure that _he_ wasn't.

"Mah, Red..." he started, still gulping down air. "I wantcha inside me."

"Ain't got no lube er nothin'," Renji mumbled into Gin's neck.

"Tch. Don' be stupid. Pull my underwear down some."

The red head turned and looked at him from the corner of his eye before cautiously complying. Gin's gray boxer briefs were tugged down to the middle of his thighs, just enough to expose his rear and keep his legs around the other man comfortably. After that, he took the initiative and lifted Renji's right hand from his hip, then stuck three of the man's fingers into his mouth. Renji watched in awe, reddish-brown eyes wide and practically glimmering with need. Gin sucked loudly, savoring the wet, slurping sounds, arousal making his head light and his heart race. He could tell by the look in the red head's eyes just how badly the man wished his fingers were another sensitive body part. Gin planned to get to that too, just not right now. They were in a bit of a hurry, and all he wanted was to feel every inch of the man's length filling him. Too hasty? He didn't give a fuck.

Renji didn't need anymore prompting once Gin released his fingers. They immediately probed his tight sphincter before casually breaching it. Gin grunted quietly and shifted to accommodate the addition. Then, Renji added another finger, not bothering to waste time with formalities. Gin sighed and leaned forward, nosing the taller man's cheek.

"Pull yer boxers down," he murmured.

Renji paused with a wide, wolfish grin before complying with his free hand. Gin peered between their bodies and between his parted thighs, and almost let an unsightly amount of drool hit the cement floor. Red's dick was quite the character. It bobbed and strained, thick and not too long. It was positively majestic. Gin licked his lips and discreetly wet his hand before reaching under his right leg for the magnificent piece of flesh below him. As soon as he gripped it and began stroking, Renji's hips involuntarily jerked as the man grunted. The positioning was so awkward, but Gin didn't care. Especially not now that Renji had three fingers inside him and was thrusting into Gin's hand at the same time. The red head's shaft was hot and heavy in Gin's palm as he tightened his grasp around it, eyes rolling shut as he enjoyed the mingled sounds they created.

Now. He had to have Renji in him. Right this instant.

"Red," he whispered hoarsely.

Renji got it. His fingers disappeared and Gin frowned at the gaping emptiness he experienced right before blunt heat surged against his loosened hole. Heated looks were exchanged, but words weren't as Renji pushed into him, slow and deep. Gin's hands were back in the other man's hair as his head fell back and he gave a lavish moan.

_That's the stuff_.

Renji's sharp teeth nipped his chin as they immediately fell into a steady rhythm. Desperate pants and heavy grunts and moans filled the silence of the locker room. Gin didn't care if they were caught, if they were fired, whatever. All of that was irrelevant for the time being.

His legs tightened around the red head's waist the instant the man sped up, hips slapping sharply against his ass. Heat coiled in his gut, nestled in his groin and leisurely filled his balls. He hadn't really meant to go all the way with Renji right here at work, but like hell he'd stop now. God, the red head knew how to fucking work his hips.

"Fuck," Gin panted as Renji dove deeper and thrust harder. Faster. A shudder ripped through him and his toes curled. "Mahhh, touch me, Renji."

Renji gave a guttural groan as he shifted his hips and reached between their bodies, roughly grasping Gin's rigid length. His free hand balanced Gin's body against the unforgiving cement wall – his shoulder blades were probably raw by now – by the very small of his back.

"_Fuck_, Slim, ya feel so good," Renji pushed through a groan.

With Renji's hand on his dick and the man's deep voice selling candy in his ear, it didn't take very long for Gin to build, build, build...then explode with a back-bending bang. Every muscle in his body seemed to strain as he produced jet after jet of semen in the red head's large hand. He tried and failed to call Renji's name during his orgasm; instead, all he managed was a loud, unintelligible cry. God, but it felt amazing.

...Renji was still going.

Red's body moved fluidly, back and forth, faster, harder, until he had both hands on Gin's hips and face buried in the sterling-haired man's neck. His breathing was nearly desperate as it came in gasps and pants, his fingers clenching and unclenching. Even though he'd achieved release already, Gin still found himself internally aroused at the sight of the beautiful red head getting off inside him.

"Shit!" Renji abruptly choked. "Slim, I'm comin'!"

"Mmm," Gin moaned, eyes narrowed as he continued to watch Renji lose his grip on reality, the man's back muscles bunched, and hips and ass moving frantically.

Oh, God, that was sexy. Gin ran his hands through that curtain of bright red hair and bit his bottom lip. And then, Renji started moaning. It was low and muffled by Gin's neck, but it was there and it was such a serious turn on. Next time they fucked, he'd make sure to last long enough to experience this at the height of his orgasm. Red's fingers turned into claws as they formed a death grip on Gin's hips. After that, Gin witnessed the hottest thing this side of the Earth. Renji threw his head back, mouth open in a silent scream, and tattooed eyebrows scrunched together in agonized ecstasy.

Wowzer.

Renji's body tensed for a total of fifteen seconds before slowly unwinding and relaxing. His head came down and those hooded russet eyes locked with Gin's partially opened ice-blues.

"Slim," he panted heavily. "That was the best nut I've ever had in mah life."

Gin cackled, closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. "Same here, Red."

"All that beatin' 'round the bush ya did, we coulda been did this," Renji grumbled with a frown.

"Yeah, well...didn' wantcha thinkin' I was easy er somethin'."

Red gave a lopsided grin before connecting their lips with an audible peck. The gentle gesture caused butterflies to take flight in Gin's gut, simultaneously making him scowl. This man would surely be the death of him. Renji opened his mouth to speak again, when they both caught sight of something white in their peripheral.

When Gin focused on it, he felt all the blood drain from his face and his stomach dropped to his still hoisted knees. It appeared there was a white napkin stuck to a yellow straw in a parody of a truce flag, poking around the corner of the lockers. He and Renji exchanged looks before studying the mock flag again. And then a throaty female voice tentatively spoke into the brief lull.

"Ya know...you guys are _very lucky_ we have a perv for a boss."

Gin cleared his throat and blushed furiously. Renji, on the other hand, smiled like the cat that ate the canary _and_ the cream.

"Ran-chan, yer not sayin'-" Gin started.

A throat cleared. "Ah, bravo, Gin-kun. Renji-kun. However, I must ask that you clean up after yourselves, please," Urahara said.

Gin chuckled, a little shocked that they'd been caught, but even more shocked that they hadn't been fired and kicked out of the building.

As he met Renji's amused gaze, he winked slyly. "Round two?"

**Babe, this thing was a trip. I still have writer's block, which is why it took so long for this to produce itself. However, I know you're in love with this pairing now, and I've recalled my love for Renji and his hot body and long red hair and well...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEESH! I hope this was somewhat enjoyable! Love ya!**

**Ky**


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